ACT 0. COLD OPEN
Today’s episode discusses adult themes. If that’s an issue for you, or if you’ve got kids around, maybe skip this one or throw on some headphones.
Since before YouTube existed, I’ve been writing, directing and acting in Internet videos. So it wasn’t that weird when my brother called me up to say his friend had seen me in a video online. But this one was different…
EVAN: My friend was like, “Hey, I saw your brother in a porno.”
If you couldn’t understand that with my brother laughing and my kids in the background… he said “I saw your brother in a porno.”
EVAN: I hadn’t sent it to anyone, so he had found it on his own naturally through like whatever content he was consuming online.
To say this was the day I had feared, would imply I thought it was possible to happen in the first place. But I just kind of never thought this would come back into my life.
[MUSIC]
Yes, I really am in an adult video. Actually, I’m in three of them. I am not having sex, I’m not naked, I’m just kind of there.
EVAN: I was like, yeah, he and his sketch comedy partner were in those videos as part of like hosting for a show on the Playboy channel.
Long story short, my first job out of college had some responsibilities I wasn’t expecting. Back then, I assumed no one would see these videos without the framing of this comedic reality show unless they had a paid subscription to a porn site. Decades later, porn on the internet works a lot differently – and these videos are now on hundreds of sites for free.
JACOB: If you watch them outside of the context of that show, then I’m just some guy who’s in a porno.
EVAN: Yeah.
JACOB: Which I don’t love.
EVAN: Okay. Yeah, I mean you should have thought of that.
Yeah, looking back, I should have thought of that. But, I didn’t. So, on today’s show… I find out if you can put the porn genie back in the bottle…
[THEME MUSIC]
[RINGING]
CLIP MONTAGE:
JACOB: Would you be willing to put us in touch with Jacob Reed?
DALYA: Jacob Reed. R – E – E – D.
JIMMY: I can say confidently he’s not a star.
[FILM SLATE CLAP]
DIRECTOR: Action!
CATALINA: There could be consequences that you have to deal with…
JOCLYN: Suddenly when you look at her she’s got a pot roast in her hand instead of a dick.
JACOB: I am checking to make sure I was not followed out of that building.
BUSINESS WOMAN: Are you recording this?
[INTRO / THEME SONG]
ACT 1: WHO IS JACOB REED?
Okay, I know we did this before, um, but I really want to stress: in this podcast I’m gonna say a lot of stuff that is sexual. I’m also gonna say lots of stuff you might think is sexual because we’re already talking about sex. So, we’re gonna hang a bell on it. Every time that happens you’ll hear this noise:
[BELL NOISE]
Which means, yes, we know, you know, and let’s all just be grown ups about it. Okay, let’s rewind. How did I end up in not one, not two, but three adult films?
A few months after graduating college, a friend and I got an email from a production company asking if we’d be interested in hosting a cable TV show… for the Playboy Channel.
Hearing that in 2025 you might be thinking… isn’t it obvious this will set you up for future embarrassment??
But, let’s time travel real quick to the summer of 2008.
SFX: Rewind
[MUSIC]
Hi. It’s 2008. George W. Bush is president. We think he’s the worst president we’ll ever have. Kim Kardashian has just posed nude in an issue of Playboy, a magazine which still sells 2-3 million copies per issue in print. It’s a cultural institution.
Nickelback — which currently in 2008 is one of the biggest bands in the world — has an aspirational anthem about Playboy Bunnies.
[ROCKSTAR BY NICKELBACK]
Even prestigious shows like Sex and The City, Entourage, and Curb Your Enthusiasm build whole episodes around the Playboy Mansion.
LARRY: Hi, uh… Larry David.
HUGH: Uh uh. Hugh Hefner. Pleasure.
LARRY: Yes, nice to meet you.
HUGH: Welcome.
HOLLY: Hi, I’m Holly.
LARRY: Hello…
One of the top reality shows on TV is The Girls Next Door about Playboy’s octogenarian founder, Hugh Hefner, and his three girlfriends who are all young enough to be his great-grandchildren. [CLIP FADES IN] It’s a mainstream hit.
HUGH: It’s about the girls.
HUGH: It is through the eyes of the girls. And that takes the pressure off of Daddy.
INTERVIEWER: Let them do all the work.
HUGH: Yeah.
INTERVIEWER: So to speak.
And the parties at the Playboy Mansion are regularly covered by tabloids and mainstream news alike, as audiences around the world delight in the idea of not-at-all-problematic A-list actors like Kevin Spacey, Rosanne Barr, and Mel Gibson partying alongside musicians like Puff Daddy and Kanye West, and athletes like Tiger Woods and Mike Tyson.
SFX: Rewind
So… no. I didn’t think of that. It was a different time. On top of that, the production company that reached out to us had just finished an award-winning documentary series for PBS, and specials for Disney and Warner Brothers.
I wanted to work in TV and I had just graduated into a huge recession. While my friends were struggling to get jobs doing grunt work, I was handed the opportunity to co-host a TV show. It seemed like an incredible chance to get some exposure.
[BELL NOISE]
The Playboy show was a pretty classic, host-driven unscripted format, complete with a type of segment called a “host try.” This is when the host gets their hands wet [BELL] by getting down and dirty [BELL] and involved in the action [BELL]. Think about shows like Dirty Jobs [BELL] Parts Unknown [BELL] , and Somebody Feed Phil [DELAYED BELL].
When I visited a dominatrix, the “host try” was wrestling her.
GODDESS SEVERA: And this is the head scissors. It really puts you in the position of things that you might feel uncomfortable with.
JACOB: I can’t talk.
But my first day of work was behind the scenes for a mainstream porn production company and the “host try” was being an extra in some of their productions. In one scene, I try to get my best friend, played by a porn star named Mr. Pete, to go to the beach with me. Instead, he stays behind and has sex with my character’s mom.
DIRECTOR: Action.
JACOB: Pete, come on.
PETE: The airline lost my suitcase, which has my tuxedo.
[CROSSTALK]
JACOB: We’re not gonna get it sorted out, man. Let’s just go to the beach. Maybe when we come back, it’ll be fixed.
PETE: Dude, you guys can go to the beach. I’m, I’m not going to the beach.
Cut to…
[PORN MUSIC STING]
And so, whether I like it or not, I am an extra in three adult films. My brother’s friend recognized me, told my brother, and I found out about it.
But, since most people don’t talk about their porn viewing habits openly, it made me wonder how many people saw this and didn’t say anything. Then I wondered… is my name attached to this? I did an Internet search for “Jacob Reed” and “porn”.
SFX: Keyboard clicks
The good news is that as a non-nude extra, my name does not seem to be attached to the videos. The bad news? There are hundreds of results for Jacob Reed porn…
[MUSIC]
And they all point [BELL] to this guy:
CAMERA GUY: And what’s your name?
PORN JACOB: Jacob Reed.
CAMERA GUY: And, uh, where are you from, Jacob?
PORN JACOB: Los Angeles.
CAMERA GUY: Cool. Are you, uh, bi, gay, or straight?
PORN JACOB: Straight.
I live in Los Angeles, I’m straight, and my name is Jacob Reed – but if you can’t tell, that’s not me. It’s a guy in a video called “Jacob Reed tugging 10 pounder.”
CAMERA GUY: What’s your favorite thing to do with a girl?
PORN JACOB: Uh, public sex, actually.
CAMERA GUY: Uh, really?
PORN JACOB: Yeah. Uh, my, uh, my girlfriend and I actually just came back from Reno and, uh, as we’re walking back to the car from the casino, I, uh, opened up her door and she was wearing a short skirt…
[FADE OUT]
This goes on for a bit. It’s kinda like a fake audition video. It looks like they’re in a hotel room. I’d guess Jacob is in his late 20s. He’s jacked. And after he finishes his story about the biggest little city in the world, he pleasures himself… to completion.
[MUSIC FADE IN]
I’m not in porn, but porn videos exist that I’m in. And, in the time since they were recorded, they’ve become more widely available than I ever expected. This makes me extremely uneasy… but if anyone in the world can help me deal with it… it’s this guy.
CAMERA GUY: And what’s your name?
PORN JACOB: Jacob Reed.
[REVERB]
After the break, I look for pornstar Jacob Reed.
[MUSIC ENDS]
ACT 2: NAME HERE
[MUSIC]
I tried all the usual ways to find someone: Instagram, TikTok, Facebook, LinkedIn, White Pages, a Google search…but the only thing I could find were some abandoned accounts that were all some variation of Jacob Reed and XXX.
I did find a Jacob Reed on OnlyFans and it’s not me – although I do run an only fans where I sell pictures of fans (you can find it at onlyfans.com/uncensoredfanny) – but this Jacob Reed, on Only Fans, hadn’t posted anything.
So, if I couldn’t get a hold of him directly, I thought maybe I could find him through some of the websites where I found his videos.
JACOB: Gayporno.fm, mansurfer.com, gayforit.eu. Oh, here we go. Jacob Reed from Randy Blue. So Randy Blue is a, I think it’s a production company. Okay, I’m gonna look up Randy Blue business phone number…
SFX: Keyboard clicks
And as I looked, I learned something about contacting porn companies…
[SKYPE DIAL NOISES]
AUTOMATED VOICE: Thank you for calling the corporate offices. Calls may be monitored or recorded for your protection and to ensure quality customer support.
JACOB: [chuckles] That’s so vague.
It’s all smoke and mirrors.
CUSTOMER SUPPORT: Customer Support?
JACOB: Hi. I am trying to get a hold of a company called Randy Blue.
CUSTOMER SUPPORT: Uh, so I believe you might have the wrong number. We’re customer support for, uh, some websites.
For… uh…. some websites. Incredible.
CUSTOMER SUPPORT: Was there something you need help with?
JACOB: Is that a company that you guys work with?
CUSTOMER SUPPORT: It’s a company we just acquired.
So… not the wrong number.
CUSTOMER SUPPORT: Uh… send us an email,
JACOB: Okay. What would, what email address would I…
[FADE OUT]
He gave me an email address, and I never got a reply, but the URL was for a company that had purchased Randy Blue. I looked up that company, and found out it was owned by another company based in the Czech Republic. And that was kind of the pattern.
[MUSIC COMES IN]
I’d find the name of a company that hosted or produced his videos, but all the links associated with them now redirect to a bigger company that’s gobbled them up. [BELL] And that company seems to have been swallowed [BELL] by a holding company registered halfway around the world. I spent months calling these places…
JACOB: That’s a plus three number, which is, uh. Cyprus?
VOICEMAIL: Thank you for calling [BLEEP] If you know the extension number of the person you wish to reach, you may dial it now.
They were all a weird combination of shady and corporate, and once you were contacting them, nobody used any language related to the adult industry. It was all some version of “we run… uh… websites.”
I mean, is it all just so vague? ’cause they don’t want to be like, we help porn exist.
And sure, I get there being some vagueness on an official website, but I also found many people associated with those holding companies online, even tracked down their phone numbers…
EXECUTIVE: Hello?
JACOB: Hi, I’m trying to reach, uh, [BLEEP]. Do I have the right person?
EXECUTIVE: Yeah.
This guy founded a company he ran for almost 30 years before it was bought by a porn mega company. And he talks about it very publicly on LinkedIn, which is why I thought he would talk to me.
EXECUTIVE: Yep. That was my old company. It still exists. It was just sold.
JACOB: Got it. I am making a documentary and I’m trying to find out some information–
SFX: Click and dial tone
JACOB: So he definitely just hung up on me.
Of all people, you’d think the guy posting about his company on LinkedIn might actually talk to me. But as soon as I said the words ‘documentary’ and ‘information’ he decided [CLICK AND DIAL TONE] which I took to mean “thank you for your interest, but this project is not the right fit for me at this time.”
It wasn’t clear to me if the smoke and mirrors was because these companies were actually shady, or because of the stigmas around being involved with the adult industry. Maybe it was something in between. Either way, it made it a lot harder to reach any companies that Porn Jacob had worked with, and any way I could contact them was either a third party that handled billing or tech support…
[MUSIC]
TECH SUPPORT 1: All we do is the billing for the company.
TECH SUPPORT 2: Unfortunately we’re just only a third party billing company of the website.
TECH SUPPORT 3:We can only assist you if you, you have any billing concern or technical issue.
[Jacob tries to get a word in]
TECH SUPPORT 3: If there’s nothing else thank you and have a good day. Bye for now.
JACOB: Do-
[HANG UP NOISE]
[Jacob sighs]
I did not have technical problems. Well, technically, my problem was that I couldn’t reach anyone. Although, one tech support guy did have a good idea.
TECH GUY: Okay. Well, you just need to write to connect on [unintelligible] website, then to go to the casting, uh, uh, link and you fill the form.
This guy told me that there was also an audition form — and unlike the tech support or billing forms, it would go directly to the company making the porn. No third parties. So, I checked it out.
JACOB: It says, model for us. We’re always looking for handsome defined men to appear in our videos.
JACOB: If you think you have what it takes, fill out our model application.
I was not about to model for a porn company.
On the other hand… If sending an audition tape might get me in touch with someone who had worked with Jacob Reed… this could be my big shot [BELL].
JACOB: We like our men hung, the bigger the better.
Okay. I realized that auditioning meant that they were expecting to see my penis. That was not going to happen.
On the other hand… maybe I didn’t need to show my penis for part one of the audition process, I kept reading…
JACOB: It says, uh, a cum shot is required from all performers in each video…
Nope, I’m out. As a comedian and director, I’ve sent samples of my material to people thousands of times, but not that kind of sample and not that kind of material. No more “on the other hands”, I was not trying to be cast by a porn company. That’s honestly about as close to the opposite of solving the problem I had as possible.
But otherwise, I was out of ideas. It seemed like the adult industry was a tight inner circle [BELL] and to find an entry point [BELL] I’d need someone to show me the ropes [BELL].
[MUSIC]
My friend Jimmy is a comedian who writes on SNL. But a few years ago, he starred in a show sponsored by Grindr, the explicit gay dating app. And, several gay pornstars had cameos in his show. So, I called him up [RING] and explained my quest for Porn Jacob, hoping he might have some insight.
JIMMY: Oh, totally. I mean, I–I feel like they’re cousins, Grindr, porn. Porn stars. Like, at the end of the day, it’s just a bunch of men having sex.
It turns out, Jimmy had found himself in a relatable predicament.
JIMMY: When I did their show, just by the fact that it was on Grindr, I was like, am I gonna show my penis? Like in an email I’m like, I like asked my reps, like, “Hey team, will my penis be shown on this program?”
I asked him if he’d ever heard of Jacob Reed.
JIMMY: I could say confidently, he’s not a star. Do you know what I mean? Like, he’s probably not like top 10, you know, I feel like I don’t consider myself, like, a wizard, but I think I can say he’s like not um, not huge. [BELL]
JIMMY: This is such a dumb question, but have you like, looked for him on Twitter?
JACOB: I have. So there’s, there’s a twitter.com/jakereedXXX. And it’s gone. It’s been like, deleted.
JIMMY: Oh my god. This is so intriguing. Did you come across, um, I’m on a website called [BLEEP]. And I found his real name. and this is where I’m gonna impress you slash scare you because this is like the gay detective popup, but I actually found his Instagram. His real instagram and it’s him.
JACOB: No!
JIMMY: Yep.
JACOB: For real?!
JIMMY: A hundred percent. I’ll text it to you.
Jimmy found Porn Jacob Reed’s real name on a porn wiki. And his real name is [BLEEP]. Okay, obviously, we bleeped Jacob’s real name to protect his anonymity. But, it’s the most British name I’ve ever heard. It’s like a name I would make up in an improv scene for some stodgy British lord that would make Benedict Cumberbatch sound like Joe Smith…. So, for the time being, we’ll use a version of Benedict Cumberbatch to refer to him.
JACOB: Oh, wow. Yeah, it’s the same. I mean, it’s, it’s the same guy, but, um, you know,
JIMMY: Older.
JACOB: Older. Which makes sense…
JACOB: Wow. Yeah.
JACOB: I’m seeing all of the matching tattoos and everything. This is definitely this dude.
JIMMY: It’s him.
JACOB: How did you find his Instagram that fast?
JIMMY: It’s so funny his porn name is actually like less interesting than his real name.
Jimmy: Which makes sense why he’s probably tried to scrub all his stuff. Some people stay in the business and that’s fine for them. But I think some people have a hard time when they try to like, get a different job and, you know, it’s the first thing that comes up when you put their name in. Even if you have a porn name, like we saw here it’s so easily connected. Like, I do know someone who um, did porn and now is like kind of trying to not be known for it and what she says that like is it just kind of haunts you.
[MUSIC]
This was not what I wanted to hear. Were these videos going to come back to haunt me? And, by doing this podcast, was I digging up metaphorical graves in a metaphorical porn graveyard and raising the specter on myself?
And now that I knew Porn Jacob Reed was really Benderforth Clumbersome… would reaching out to him make me the haunter?
[MUSIC FADES OUT]
I found a bunch of social profiles for Bendylegs Cinderbonk, but since my name was directly tied to a past he may have wanted to leave behind, I asked my producer Danny to reach out on my behalf. We didn’t hear back, and the messages didn’t even show up as being read. We even found his phone number. We called and left vague voice messages, but never heard back.
Talking to Jimmy was obviously helpful. Without him, I never would have learned Porn Jacob’s real name. But Jimmy was only porn adjacent. I needed someone who’d actually been in porn to connect me with porn stars. Wait… I’ve been in porn!
JACOB: Pete, let’s just go to the beach. [REVERB EFFECT]
I was so focused on finding someone who could connect me to pornstars, I forgot the whole reason I’m in this situation is because I had a job interviewing pornstars.
JACOB: We’re standing outside the home of the lovely Catalina Cruz.
CATALINA: Hi guys.
JACOB: Hey, how’s it going? I’m Jacob.
CATALINA: Nice to meet you.
So I reached out to dozens of pornstars I had interviewed for that Playboy show to see if they could help me find Jacob Reed. I wasn’t sure if they’d talk to me, or even remember me…but a few got back to me and they actually remembered me pretty well.
CATALINA: You know, honestly… you’re probably not going to believe me, and I’m not just saying this, I thought you were. So fantastic and so funny. I don’t do interviews that often, but I really wanted to with you.
That’s Catalina Cruz. She runs her own members only site that was the subject of one of the episodes of the Playboy show. And, remember that dominatrix who put me in a headlock?
JACOB: I can’t talk.
[WOMAN LAUGHS]
That’s Goddess Severa, and she remembered me too.
GODDESS SEVERA: I was happy to hear from you. You seemed nice instead of like some kind of like sleazy guy, ya know? I thought it was a nice touch that they sent two pleasant looking, nice boys into the dungeon.
And of course, the woman who played my porn mom in the weird wedding weekend scene: Joclyn Stone.
JOCLYN: I do remember, it was like, this is who is this is. This is who that is. That’s who you’re fucking over there. And then I turned around to like you and I’m like, oh yeah, I’m ready to fuck. And you were like, no, I’m your son. I’m like, fuck. [LAUGHS]
When I’d interviewed them for the Playboy Show, it was really surface level and I had points to hit for the show which weren’t really what I was actually curious about.
JOCLYN: I came from a full blown career. I was a mortgage funder for 17 years.
JOCLYN: When the market crashed, I didn’t want to lose my house and nobody was hiring.
They were all multifaceted…
GODDESS SEVERA: My mentor always said, “Don’t have this be the one thing that you do. Make sure that your life is varied and interesting.” I’m also an artist. I’m a painter and I have like a studio in Los Angeles.
And there were things about them you would never know if you only knew them from porn…
CATALINA: People don’t think that you could like, have like, a family or they just can’t–they can’t believe it. And guess what has happened in all these years? I am a Gigi too. We have five.
JACOB: Five grandkids?
CATALINA: Yes.
We ended up having a lot in common. I was an artist, Severa was an artist. I had a family, Catalina had a family. I was a podcaster and, Joclyn?
JOCLYN: I’ve been doing a podcast for almost seven years, me and my best friend. I tell a lot of random behind the scenes stories.
With my porn career lasting one day, and Bendleblick Covington seemingly out of the industry, I wondered if these three women were surprised that fifteen years after I first interviewed them, they were still in the biz.
CATALINA: I thought I would be retired because it definitely like, affected some family relationships. So those are things that I regret, but then there’s also positives too, because then I’m able to take care of people.
GODDESS SEVERA: You know, there was a time in my life where I thought, dear lord, let me not be swinging a whip [JACOB LAUGHS] still. But I also finished my grad degree, I went on a trip around the world, I was in Egypt at the beginning of the Arab Spring, I got my black belt in jiu jitsu, bought a house…
They led rich full lives. Porn was just their day job. Maybe something about how they balanced these two worlds could give me a clue about how to find Blemperblem Campervan. And if I couldn’t find him, maybe they could help me understand why someone might want to disappear…
[MUSIC]
CATALINA: I always tell young people that want to get into the industry, I say, you know, you just have to understand it’s not gonna go away. There’s a possibility that Uncle Joe, or whatever, is going to find it someday. So, you just have to know that. Um, that’s one thing that I really didn’t think about before I got in. There could be consequences that you have to deal with.
Joclyn had to deal with some of those consequences because she didn’t leave the finance world right away.
JOCLYN: One day, I was standing there at the lunch truck and I look over and I’m like, oh no. Four guys staring at the phone, looking up, staring at a phone, looking up, staring at a phone.
JACOB: They found you.
JOCLYN: I’m like, ‘son of a bitch’.
JACOB: Wow.
JOCLYN: Well, here’s the thing. Every time that somebody Googles my name and looks it up, did you think I’d go, Oh my God, they found out. No bitch, I’ll use it against you.
JOCLYN: Do you want to do this? Do you want to play? I said, and I will take you to HR. You don’t have to take me. And he was like, oh my God. Oh my God. Because I scared the living shit out of him. And that’s what I had to do. Or cower and quit my job. And I wasn’t quitting for somebody like him.
I asked them how I might find porn Jacob. And they didn’t have any specific leads…
JOCLYN: The fact that he’s in the UK is going to be a little bit of a struggle.
But I was able to get some perspective on why he might have left the industry.
CATALINA: Someone could just want to change their life. Maybe they really aren’t comfortable. You know,
JACOB: Mhm.
CATALINA: And they were just doing it for money. And I feel like if you’re just doing it for just money you’re not gonna be happy.
JOCLYN: I watched some girls get out of the industry twice a year. Because they got a boyfriend, and the boyfriend wants to date the porn star. Then it goes from there, well, “if you love me, you’ll stop.” Suddenly when you look at her, she’s got a pot roast in her hand instead of a dick. Now you’re looking at her different. You know, going, “why is this, you’re not like you were when I met you.” And then they end up breaking up.
It suddenly occurred to me… maybe I should leave this guy alone. I asked what they thought.
CATALINA: There’s no harm in reaching out to someone. He doesn’t have to talk to you. Just be, just how you were with me, just straightforward.
JACOB: [LAUGHS] Yeah.
CATALINA: Honest, and then see what happens from there.
GODDESS SEVERA: I think people like talking about themselves. If you want people to open up just like, keep asking them questions, right? You can’t guess. So just until you get a firm no, keep trying to find Jacob.
JOCLYN: Anything’s a good idea. Try it and find out.
[MUSIC COMES IN]
Talking to Severa, Joclyn, and Catalina made me feel more comfortable about reaching out to Bellybump Crampuspatch. But they also remembered me as being sweet, funny, and… well… just not sleazy and bro-y. But when the show came out, I had actually been shocked at how sleazy and bro-y it was.
Earlier, I said I got asked to audition to host a TV show for Playboy, and a little bit about why I said yes. What I didn’t fully explain is what I knew about the show when I agreed to host it.
During my final interview with the production company, they were finishing a PBS miniseries about African American veterans hosted by Halle Berry and Colin Powell. I was told this new show for Playboy was going to be a comedic and journalistic look at the adult industry. Because it was Playboy, it would show boobs and butts, but also because it was Playboy they couldn’t show any other nudity… and definitely no sex.
My first day of work, I was told I’d be interviewing people behind the scenes at a major porn studio. The pre-production email only had a time, an address, and a reminder to print the Google Map directions before getting in the car.
I pulled up to a huge house in the Hollywood Hills. I walked inside, and the first thing I saw were two women my age with obvious fake boobs, totally naked. Coincidentally, they both had tattoos of guns on their pelvises with the barrel of the gun pointing directly to their vaginas.
I was given a script, and told that the host try for this episode, my first day of work at my first job after college, was to be a non-nude extra in three different porn scenes, two with the vagina gun ladies, and one with Joclyn.
PETE: You gonna kiss your mom before you leave?
JOCLYN: (overlapping) You gonna say goodbye to me? Or what?
JACOB: Bye mommmmmm
PETE: No respect…
I didn’t have an agent or a manager to call up and say “hey, is this a normal thing to find out when you show up?” And I remember feeling simultaneously like it was kind of funny and weird and uncomfortable but also that I better have fun with it ‘cause it didn’t feel like I had a choice.
I also knew that anyone who saw this on Playboy would have the context of me hosting the show, and the only way someone would see it without that context was if they were already a subscriber to the porn company that made it… because in 2008, if a video was made for a porn website, it mostly stayed there.
My scene with Joclyn was the first one of the day. And, quick reminder: the premise was something vaguely related to a wedding. In this particular scene, we had all traveled to Mexico, but my best friend — played by pornstar Mr. Pete — had lost his luggage in transit. I wanted to go to the beach but he wanted to stay behind and find his luggage, my mom was going to help…which would lead to….
[PORN SOUNDS / DANNY WALTER STING]
There were no lines. I was an improv comedy nerd at my first day on my first job, getting to host a comedy TV show… so when the director told me to improvise, it was music to my ears.
DIRECTOR: You’re both groomsmen in your wedding and this is your mother.
JACOB: Okay.
DIRECTOR: You’re trying to get him to just go into town and he’s like, I can’t.
[FILM SLATE CLAP]
DIRECTOR: Action!
What happened next was an insane five-minute improv scene.
[MUSIC]
Pete opened with something about losing his luggage and having to stay behind and miss the beach. I thought of the coolest thing I’d ever done at a beach, snorkeling. Pete said he’d never been snorkeling before. So, I started telling him how awesome it is. The feeling of weightlessness, being up close with the tropical fish, the possible sighting of a sea turtle.
At this time in my life, I was doing 7 or 8 improv shows a week all over Los Angeles. And I was great at knowing when to rest the game, or, or the gimmick part of the scene and let it get back on track just enough before derailing it again.
And I had an answer for everything.
Pete had to stay behind to call the airline? I reminded him about the time difference between Los Angeles and Cabo and that the call center had already closed. He might as well go relax at the beach… snorkeling. He was stressed out and couldn’t think about the beach right now?
SFX: Wave and bubble noises
Well, I explained the relaxing and otherworldly feeling of weightlessness over the reef as you watch tropical fish you’ve only seen in aquariums flit about at arms reach.
Eventually, the director yelled cut, and started berating me. “What was that? Stop talking about snorkeling. Just say you wanna go to the beach then shut up and leave so they could have sex.”
Evidently, I made snorkeling sound pretty good because once we stopped rolling, Pete came up to me and earnestly said: “Hey, is all that real about snorkeling? I’ve never been. It sounds sick.” When I spoke to Joclyn, who played my mom, even she remembered it.
JACOB: I said something where I was like, dude, we got to go like to the beach. There’s this snorkeling, you can see the fish. And I remember, uh, Pete was like, that sounds cool. Like, I kinda do want to do that. And they were like, cut, cut, cut. [JOCLYN LAUGHS] No, like he can’t do that, he’s got to stay behind.
JOCLYN: You’re taking the male talent with you. I do remember that where we had to do another take.
JACOB: I think that they meant go to the beach and like check out babes. And in my head, I was thinking of like, well, why would I want to go to the beach? Well, I’ve been snorkeling before. Snorkeling is like really cool. So I’ll say, you know, like we’re in Mexico, I imagine we’re at like a resort town or something. I bet you they’ve got like coral reefs.
JOCLYN: Oh, you were being human. You weren’t being a perv. You’re just a normal person coming into something where all the things that are inappropriate, all the things you should not say are all accepted. And it’s like a culture shock.
Culture shock is an understatement.
[MUSIC COMES IN]
While the crew prepared to film the next take, I sat down at the kitchenette thinking about just how funny I had been. Even though the porn director didn’t like it, it wasn’t for them — I knew that the extended snorkeling outtake was going to be a hilarious moment in the Playboy Show that I was the star of. And as I sat there basking in the afterglow of my own comedy gold, I realized there was some movement just over my shoulder, and I turned my head to see something that is burned into my brain as clearly as both of my children’s births.
Just off camera, in a little nook to the side of the kitchen, where only I could see, Mr. Pete had his jeans pulled down, his penis pulled out, and was dribbling little bits of water from his Kirkland Signature disposable water bottle onto his penis, and then using that moisture to stroke himself into a more fully engorged state before the next take. This was all happening at my eye level, less than a foot away from my head.
I remember thinking, “This isn’t what I signed up for.”
But when the first episode of that Playboy Show finally aired, I learned, maybe that was what I had signed up for; because the whole snorkeling scene was completely cut out. Instead, they used the take that matched the final porn scene: a couple of lines and then…
[PORN NOISES MUSIC TRACK]
And they actually showed it. Because while what I signed up for was a show that only showed boobs and butts, our cameraman got b-roll of all the hardcore stuff with the understanding that it was going to be blurred. Instead, Playboy rolled out a formatting change to compete with the growing world of online porn. And, beginning with our show, they decided they were okay showing everything.
[PORN NOISES MUSIC TRACK REDUX]
I’ve always wanted to see the footage from that snorkeling scene. In the years after this show, I would audition for a lot of comedy hosting jobs. And, once it became clear the funniest bits from the Playboy Show ended up on the cutting room floor, I went looking for the outtakes to use for my reel. I asked the production company, I asked Playboy… at first I got a very encouraging run around. “Of course! We’ll get back to you soon, we just need to find it.” But, as time went on, they eventually stopped replying.
Looking for Porn Jacob, I’ve been thinking about this missing tape a lot. One thing I’d never tried is asking the porn studio directly.
At the beginning of any studio porn film there’s a legal disclaimer that includes a physical address. And on the porn I’m in with Mr. Pete and Joclyn Stone, it lists M. Bozkins, custodian of records, and an address in downtown San Diego. Suite 700 of a big office building.
[CAR DOOR SHUT]
JACOB: Okay. I’m leaving my parents’ house in San Diego. I’m gonna go see if I can try to find [BLEEP] downtown before our Passover Seder.
I needed a key card to get into the building, and while I was trying to figure out a phone number or something for the front desk, a guy on his phone walked in and held the door open for me.
[VERITE AUDIO]
I remembered the building from the shoot fourteen years ago. I was looking for Suite 700.
JACOB: So it seems like this is a residential building now. 721. 701. Suite 700.
But the space where Suite 700 used to be was just a blank wall. As I was figuring out my next move, [DOOR OPENS] someone opened a door.
JACOB: Hi. I’m so sorry to bother you. This is clearly not a business this is –
BRO: No.
JACOB: –an apartment. Sorry, I’m looking for a business that I thought was at 701.
The door opener was a patient but confused bro in his 20s. Behind him in this loft apartment, another bro did dishes, and another two bros were playing video games on a couch. I asked if they’d heard about the building’s past.
APARTMENT GUY: This used to be like a commercial building.
JACOB: Yeah, that is what I thought I was finding.
APARTMENT GUY: Uhh…but…
JACOB: Have you ever heard of a company called [BLEEP]?
APARTMENT GUY: Yeah… I believe porn was made here.
The lore of the former porn studio had trickled down to these bros. And as it became clear what we were talking about, and that I had primary source information about what had only been rumored… the other bros paused their video game to gather round and here the tales of the middle aged man who had been here in the before times… when porn was made.
[MEDIEVAL MUSIC]
JACOB: Dude, yeah. [stammering] I, um, hosted a TV show for the Playboy channel. Fourteen years ago. And…
APARTMENT GUY: In this building.
JACOB: Well one of the episodes was we went to visit this like porn empire–
APARTMENT GUY: Yeah, yeah yeah yeah.
JACOB: This was… this building, this floor, this area, this corner.
APARTMENT GUY: No way. That’s crazy.
[MUSIC COMES IN]
I looked up a newer video from this porn company to find a new address on the new legal disclaimer. It also had a new custodian of records: B. Gulliver. Looking up that address online led to a company called La Anjou. I called and emailed them, but got no response. I also looked up B. Gullivers all over San Diego, and left a series of unreturned voicemails. So, the next time I was visiting family in San Diego, I decided to just drop by their office.
I should have been excited to do this because I was getting closer to finding answers about the porn tape I’d been looking for for more than a decade. But, as I approached the building, I started having a gut feeling that this was a bad idea. I even had my phone text my wife before I went into the building.
JACOB: I’m going to [BLEEP], which is supposedly the headquarters of [BLEEP] in case anything happens to me since I’m by myself.
[SIRI BEEP]
JACOB: It is kind of intimidating to do this kind of stuff alone. Like you have to really psych yourself up for going into a situation where you don’t really know what’s going on, and also you’re gonna try to record it. I have to say it is not something I enjoy.
Outside the building it was a bustling downtown area. Once I was inside the building, it was eerily silent. There was no security. In fact, there were no people. Just white tile and fluorescent lights, and a keypad near the elevator where you enter which floor you’re going to. For a building with a couple dozen floors, it seemed odd that I didn’t see a single other human being on my way in.
JACOB: Oh, this is scary. This is one of those elevators with no buttons. Uh, I just told it I’m going to floor nine.
I started to panic.
JACOB: My heart is kind of racing.
[MUSIC COMES IN]
JACOB: Ay ay ay. I’m gonna try to remember to disclose that I’m recording.
JACOB: I am very nervous.
AUTOMATED VOICE: Ninth Floor.
The doors opened to reveal a completely empty lobby with one door on my left, for suite 991, and one on my right for suite 990. Neither of them was for the company I was looking for. Instead, the name next to suite 990 was Papadapoulis. Every instinct told me I should turn around, but I convinced myself all I had to do was be brave enough to talk to someone at reception, have them tell me I found the wrong company, and go home. Then at least I could say I tried everything.
JACOB: Suite 900
[DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES]
I walked in, microphone in hand.
JACOB: There’s no reception.
Where I was expecting to see a receptionist there was instead a massive wooden desk and no people in sight. The only thing on the desk was one of those multi-line office phones, disconnected and fully turned upside down as if it had been dropped there from the ceiling. It felt like something out of a zombie movie where all the people had just disappeared.
Next to the desk was a partition that obscured a hallway, so I looked around the corner down the hallway, to see if anyone was in this building.
Instead of finding it empty, I made eye contact with a conference room full of people sitting around a table behind a glass wall. And it freaked me the fuck out.
[DOOR OPENS]
JACOB: Sorry, I just didn’t see anyone at the reception.
BUSINESSWOMAN: (overlap) Can I help you?
At this point I should note I wasn’t planning on dropping by that building that day. I had realized I was around the corner from their headquarters while running an errand. And I looked ridiculous. I was wearing slippers, two different colored socks, ripped up shorts, the toddler-stained shirt I had slept in the night before, and an oversized, worn out Disneyland sweatshirt.
From their perspective, their meeting had been interrupted by a bearded guy with a microphone suddenly appearing in the hallway. And I must have freaked them out as much as they freaked me out, because before I could explain anything, a woman from the conference room barreled toward me, got in my face, and started asking me questions.
BUSINESSWOMAN: Who are you looking for exactly?
JACOB: Uh, [BLEEP]
BUSINESSWOMAN: Uh, for what?
JACOB: So, I, uh,
BUSINESSWOMAN: Are you recording this?
JACOB: I, I’m recording myself. I can turn it off.
BUSINESSWOMAN: Please. Turn it off. Thank you.
JACOB: Yeah yeah yeah, let me do that first.
(Muffled recorder adjustment audio, then click, then silence)
Once my recorder was turned off, the woman who had barrelled toward me started reciting legal statutes about recording consent as if she had them memorized.
She said both “You can’t find him here and he’s not available right now.” So, I offered to come back at any time. And she said “What exactly is your purpose here?”
[MUSIC]
I started to explain I was in a video for a company owned by La Anjou but as soon as I mentioned the company name, she interrupted and said “this is Papadapoulis.” I felt like she had such a nervous energy, as if I had just found out something I wasn’t supposed to know. Both of us were in this kind of fight or flight mode, me trying to frantically explain why I was there, and her frantically trying to get rid of me without confirming anything.
We were interrupted by a deep, booming voice that asked, [overlapping deep voice] “That was a long time ago, what do you want now?”
I turned around to find an enormous man, at least a foot taller than me, blocking my way to the entrance. He was wearing an expensive three piece suit, two fists full of ornate rings, and his voice was scarily calm. He seemed like he could’ve thrown me through the window if he felt like it. I imagined this was Mr. Papadapoulis.
I started explaining that I wanted a copy of my video. And he asked [overlapping deep voice] “Why? What for? Who are you with?”
I struggled through an explanation of the podcast and between that, my flop sweat, and five minutes of apologizing, they must have decided I was not a threat, because they ended up giving me an email address — the same one I’d already tried — and showed me the door.
[RECORDER, CAR NOISES]
JACOB: All right, I am leaving now. That is the kind of situation where I am checking to make sure I was not followed outta that building and, uh, that no one is following me right now. That was very intense. I don’t think I’ve ever been, uh, surrounded by people so quickly. Um, so they, uh. Whew. My heart is still beating. I’m really coming down from that.
Later, when I was telling my producers about what happened to me, I checked my smart watch and was able to pinpoint the exact moment when I was surrounded because my heart rate surged from 71 beats per minute to 146.
JACOB: That was an experience I did not enjoy.
[CAR AMBIENT NOISES]
JACOB: Oh, Heather texted me.
AUTOMATED VOICE: Heather said, okay, please don’t die. Would you like to reply?
I checked public records and confirmed that that porn company was indeed owned by a holding company called La Anjou and that company is owned by another holding company called Papadapoulis.
[MUSIC COMES IN]
For legal reasons, I think it’s best that I do not speculate about what this company does or does not do. We’ve also changed the names of the holding companies, which are not really La Anjou or Papadapoulis. But, I will read some snippets of a few of the news articles I found about the real company.
OVERLAPPING DIALOGUE CLIPS:
– JACOB: The DOJ sued this company for stealing $16 million from investors, –
– A cleverly tangled web of secret offshore tax havens, sometimes –
– More than a hundred investors, many of them Evangelical Christians, lost $12 million in the caper –
– Spa that was financed with Las Vegas and Teamsters money –
– The Mafia, CIA, and George Bush –
– Concealed these returns from the Internal Revenue Service –
– Selling unregistered securities by the Securities and Exchange Commission –
– Convicted of tax conspiracy and evasion, money laundering, conspiracy, and mail and wire fraud conspiracy, –
– As well as for physically threatening witnesses –
I decided some rocks are better left unturned. After the break… I try a completely different way to get in touch with Porn Jacob.
– [unintelligible French] sex tape amateur
ACT 3
So let’s recap. I’m so far not a single bit closer to reaching porn Jacob Reed, with the exception that I know his real name is Bellatrix Cumberbund. I’ve begun to revisit my past working for Playboy, and I’ve hit dead ends with a bunch of companies. But, I did notice a pattern: with companies, I was only getting third party billing or tech support, intimidating characters being investigated by the DOJ, or submission forms for audition videos – which I obviously wasn’t going to send. On the other hand: when I talked to individual people in the adult industry: Severa, Joclyn, Catalina, they were nice and down to help – or at least talk. So, I decided to shift my focus back to individual people.
Now, if there’s one thing a listener of this podcast knows about me: it’s that I approach problems by making a giant spreadsheet. So, I made a giant spreadsheet. And, I filled it with any names or faces from Blenderbutton Crumpleduct’s adult films: actors, directors, grips [BELL], best boys [BELL].
One person on the list, Jess, seemed to be the proprietor of “amateur french BBK porn” site called Crunch Boy. I looked up “BBK + adult film”, and the Internet says it stood for big beautiful knockers, which I was pretty sure did not fit this context. There wasn’t any contact information on his site, but I was able to fill out a technical support request.
JACOB: Okay, so I’m messaging “Hello from Los Angeles, I am trying to reach the director Jess Royan about a project…”
And I guess Jess hadn’t been swallowed [BELL] by a bigger company because I got an immediate reply.
[MUSIC COMES IN]
This was huge [BELL]. Jess was the first person who actually knew Basketball Caravan, that I had been able to get in touch with.
JACOB: It says, hello. I am Jess Royan. This is all lowercase. Explain me please, Jess.
I got the impression English might not be his first language so I sent a long explanation in both English and French.
JACOB: Salut Jess. Je Travaille sur un podcast documentary et un episode concern l’industrie pour adultes…
He wrote back a few minutes later:
JESS SURROGATE: “Yes, sure. Well i can speak enlish. THe only problem is to understand correctly the english spoken. Winky face.”
“Great, thanks! When’s a good time to reach you? And on what phone number?
JESS SURROGATE: “Hello jakob, but not possible because i habe infnirmed you by phone i will dont underdtand nothing ;o – I can write, speak, but dont undestand si you talk with me by phone ;o”
It’s hard to understand, but I think he’s saying he can’t do this by phone. A message that’s made even less clear when he then gives me… his phone number.
I go back to Google translate and replied, “Salut Jess, oui je comprends. Si je pouvais avoir un traducteur….”
He stopped responding. I started looking for translators.
[MUSIC OUT]
The first person who came to mind was an ex-girlfriend…
HEATHER: [laughs] Absolutely not. No.
But that got vetoed by my wife. Next, was my grandma’s cousin who learned fluent French when she was hiding with a French family during the Holocaust. I actually think that she’d be down…
[RING]
But as I went to call her, I imagine my entire extended family’s gossip industrial complex shining a spotlight on this very weird thing that I’m doing, and I hung up the phone.
[END CALL SOUND]
I once directed a commercial for Whiskas Cat Food that was released in Canada.
COMMERCIAL CLIP: “Merci and MEOW du mond”
I still had his phone number from a call sheet, but I wasn’t sure if French Canadian was close enough to French French.
JACOB: Hey, it’s Jacob, how are you?
THIERRY: I’m relaxing now on the, the balcony watching the bees eating in the flowers and getting, uh, drunk from sugar [laughs].
That sounded French enough to me! But, a few days after we talked, he told me he decided this wasn’t the right fit for him at this time, and I was back to square one.
Okay, no worries. Everybody tells me we’re living in a golden age of AI. So I’ll just use the built in AI translator on my very popular video conferencing app. But, to make sure it would work when I called Jess, I tested it out by calling a random restaurant in Paris.
[PHONE ANSWER]
MAÎTRE D: [French]
JACOB: Uh,
MAÎTRE D: [More French]
AUTOMATED VOICE: Good evening.
MAÎTRE D: Hello. Good evening, soya.
JACOB: Um, hi. I was wondering, how late are you guys open?
[Overlapping] AUTOMATED VOICE: Hello. Good evening, soya.
MAÎTRE D: Hallo,
JACOB: Hello?
AUTOMATED VOICE: Hello.
MAÎTRE D: We still open, uh, until, uh, 1:00 AM.
AUTOMATED VOICE: Okay, because I had–
JACOB: Do–do I sound like I’m speaking English or French…
[Overlapping] AUTOMATED VOICE: A booking coming, alright–
MAÎTRE D: I’m speaking English with you sir.
JACOB: You’re speaking English with me right now. Okay.
MAÎTRE D: Yeah.
AUTOMATED VOICE: I speak English. You.
MAÎTRE D: Uh, may, you, put off, uh, the translator please?
JACOB: Oh, you can hear the translator?
AUTOMATED VOICE: But Jersey, Jersey, Jersey put off the translator please.
MAÎTRE D: Yeah.
JACOB: Yes. I, I’m sorry, I’m trying to, I’m, I’m so sorry.
[HANGS UP, CALL ENDING SOUND]
Yeah, that was, um, that was bad.
[MUSIC COMES IN]
I called every other person who spoke French from the cat food commercial — they all did not think it was a fit for them at this time, but one of the producers was nice enough to recommend a message board for French speakers in Los Angeles… and that’s how I found a translator named Dalya.
DALYA: I’m born in Paris, grew up there. And I moved to the US when I was 35. So, yeah, I’m French, French, French [laughs].
I told Dalya the whole story.
JACOB: The first goal is to reach him and then,
DALYA: Mhm.
JACOB: Keep him on the phone and convince him we’re not crazy.
DALYA: Got it.
JACOB: And then ask him did you direct these movies with this guy Jacob Reed?
DALYA: Mhm.
JACOB: And would you be willing to put us in touch with him?
DALYA: Right.
This was the last big hail mary to try and get a message to porn Jacob Reed. I really didn’t know if Jess would talk to us, I didn’t know if he’d have any information, but I did know that he knew Jacob Reed and now, I was going to call him.
JACOB: All right. Here we go.
[FRENCH OUTGOING RING SOUND]
JESS ROYAN: Oui, Hello?
DALYA: Oui, bonjour. Uh, je m’appelle Dalya Guerin…[more French stuff – Hollywood – Jacob Reed, un American…]
JESS ROYAN: [More French Stuff]
JESS ROYAN: Au. Tout à fait, oui, moi, pas du tout. Non? Oui.
DALYA: Pas du tout. [More French] Jacob, are you there?
JACOB: Yeah. H-hello.
DALYA: Tre bien.
I was finally connected to Jess, who actually knew Jacob Reed. And, I was so excited to talk to him, I felt like I was going to burst. [BELL]
JACOB: Okay. So, I wanted to ask if you could tell us what your work is in the adult industry.
DALYA: Uh, donc il voudrait savoir si vous pourriez lui raconter sans en quoi consiste votre travail dans l’industrie du x.
JESS ROYAN: Quoi le but de la peine?
DALYA: Uh, so he’s asking what’s the goal of the call?
JACOB: Um, the, the goal is to, uh, learn if he knows a performer named Jacob Reed.
DALYA: [French]
JESS ROYAN: Et j’ai que non, c’est un américain.
JACOB: No, he’s um…I think he’s British.
JESS ROYAN: Como?
DALYA: Jacob Reed. R, E, E, D [in French].
JESS: Uh… trois ça me dit alors ça me dit quelque chose.
DALYA: So it sounds familiar for him.
JESS: Yes, it sounds familiar to me. [More French].
JACOB: Jacob Reed is his, uh, porn name, but his real name is [BLEEP]
JESS ROYAN: Ah ouais. Si je l’ai, que je l’ai connu.
[Overlapping] DALYA: I knew him some time ago.
JESS ROYAN: il y a, il en couple à leur, attendez, faut que revienne. Je peux essayer de parler anglais si vous voulez ou non, non. Alors
[Overlapping] DALYA: He was in a relationship with–wait, I need a second to remember.
JACOB: Oh my god.
JESS ROYAN: Il faut traduire là. Alors alors, je crois qu’effectivement, j’avais été en Angleterre il y a 12 ou 13 ans
DALYA: He was, went to, uh, the UK 12 or 13 years ago, a very long time ago.
JACOB: Oh my gosh.
JESS ROYAN: Et je crois que je l’ai filmé,—
DALYA: I filmed him, uh, but he made many videos, but he just did one video that lasted uh, something like 15 minutes.
JESS ROYAN: Donc moi, le jet. Je l’ai vu qu’une fois dans ma vie, c’est tout. C’était il y a 12, 13 ans, il était en couple avec isaac ils ont fait une vidéo tous les deux, une sorte de sex type amateur.
[Overlapping with Jess speaking more French]
DALYA: Okay. They, they did like a, an, an amateur, amateur sex tape together,
DALYA: But he met him only once.
JACOB: Ugh…
He’d only met him once, a decade and a half ago. I was assuming they knew each other really well because of the one day they met being memorialized in video forever. I asked if Jess had any idea how to contact Jacob.
JESS: Et pourquoi pour faire un interview?
DALYA: C’est pour une interview. parce qu’en fait, ils font un Podcast.
JESS: Non, non, mais il a tout arrêté il y a 12 ans. Plus rien dans le corneau du tout
[Overlapping with Jess speaking French]
DALYA: K, He seems that he has stopped two years ago and he doesn’t do anything else in the adult film industry.
JACOB: Jess? Or Jacob?
DALYA: Jacob.
JESS ROYAN: [French]
[Overlapping] DALYA: Uh, it seems that he has stopped to, uh, in the the adult film industry and once you are done and you want to like move on you don’t appreciate to go back and be reminded of the fact that you did work as an actor.
JESS ROYAN: Exactly.
JACOB: Mm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. I wou– I still would like to, try to reach out to him and let him tell me, you know, I don’t want to talk. Or, ‘cause maybe he does, right? Because Jake Reed isn’t his real name, maybe I could still talk to him anonymously.
JESS ROYAN: Ouais, écoutez, parce que de contact avec lui. Mon temps pour rien. J’ai de contact du tout.
[Overlapping] DALYA: Yeah. Listen, I’m interrupting you because I don’t have any contact with him. You wasting my time for nothing.
JESS ROYAN: Je l’ai vu une fois dans ma vie il y a 12 ans. Je pour bien faire. De plus, suis vraiment désolé, faut pas plus vous aider. Je n’ai aucune nouvelle de lui. Depuis depuis 12 ans, j’ai vécu une fois dans ma vie
[Overlapping] DALYA: He doesn’t have any news for the last 12 years with him. So, he can’t, he can’t give us any contact.
JACOB: Um, can I ask a, a couple more names to see if he knows them?
DALYA: [translates]
JESS ROYAN: Non, non, non, mais j, non, absolument pas du tout que je voudrais pas là dessus. non, non, non, non, non. Du tout. J’ai aucune information donnée par téléphone. Suis désolé, c’est trop confidentiel. Et donc non, je ne peux pas vous aider plus. Je suis vraiment désolé.
DALYA: Boom. Uh…
JACOB: He, he wants to get off. He wants to be done.
DALYA: So he’s saying he can’t, he can’t help us more.
JACOB: Okay. Tell him thank you so much–
[Overlapping] JESS ROYAN: Je devoir aller travailler dans ce
DALYA: Yes, okay. And he needs to, to go.
JESS ROYAN: I’m really sorry.
DALYA: It’s–
JESS ROYAN: I really cannot help you any more.
[END CALL SOUND]
JACOB: Wow. Okay. How do you feel?
DALYA: Uh… I mean, he was friendly….? But he was very, like, uh, uh, uh, adamant, about um, not giving us any contact info because –
DALYA: It’s so touchy?
JACOB: Mhm.
After almost a year of searching, I had finally spoken to someone who knew Porn Jacob Reed but he was telling me Porn Jacob didn’t want to be found.
DALYA: He was very worried that, you don’t give numbers and information because after they can get like, bullied,
JACOB: Mhm.
DALYA: And cyberstalked and all of that.
On the other hand…
[MUSIC COMES IN]
[Echo-y reverb-y advice from the porn ladies]
CATALINA: There’s no harm in reaching out to someone. He doesn’t have to talk to you.
GODDESS SEVERA: You can’t guess. So just until you get a firm no, keep trying to find
Jacob.
JOCLYN: Try it and find out!
[end reverb/flashback]
[MUSIC RAMPS UP, THEN DOWN]
Even Jess admitted he only knew Jacob for a short period of time almost fifteen years ago. How would he know what he wanted? If Jacob told me he didn’t want to talk, I’d respect that – but until I talked to him, it was just someone else’s best guess. And Jacob was hard to find. The closer I came, the harder it got [BELL]. I renewed my determination. After all, there was still one thing I hadn’t tried.
LEGAL SECRETARY All right. So from what I understand, you guys are looking for Jacob Reed, but Jacob Reed is a former porn star, or their porn name was Jacob Reed. And in order to get to this other Jacob Reed, you have to go through these little porn canals or whatever, um, trying to film a porn scene to send to one of the producers so that you can reach or grab their attention so that you can interview them.
JACOB: Yes.
LEGAL SECRETARY Alright.
LEGAL SECRETARY Very interesting phone call today.
That’s coming up… on Part II of Jacob Reed: The Porn Star.
[ENDING MUSIC]
CREDITS
We’ll be back next week with a new episode but if you’re listening in the public feed… that new episode is already waiting for you on our Patreon, which youc an find at JacobReedAndMe.com
Jacob Reed and Me is a production of Same Name LLC in association with All Trades Co, End of the Road Films, and Chris Kelly.
Our executive producers are Danny O’Malley, Alex Rivest, Adam Paul Smith, Chris Kelly, and me, Jacob Reed. Our co-executive producer is Margot Leitman. Today’s episode was produced by Sophia Lanman. Our associate producers are Sofi Pascua and Simone Endress.
The show is written by Margot Leitman, Danny O’Malley and me, Jacob Reed.
This episode was edited by Sophia Lanman, Cate Smierciak, and me, with sound design and mixing by Sophia Lanman and Chris Kelly.
Our theme song was composed by Daniel Walter. Additional music by Daniel Walter, Epidemic Sound.
Our interns are Quinn Jennings, Dylan Keefe, and Sam Walker.
Special thanks to our friends and family, and to Chris Berube, Catalina Cruz, Jacqueline Gabardy, Aaron David Harris, Mike Leffingwell, Yak Manrique, Philip Martins, Matt Mazany, Ben Redmond, Barry Rothbart, Goddess Severa, Joclyn Stone, and Ronald Young, Jr.
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Get in touch with us at hello@JacobReedAndMe.Com. You can also leave us a voicemail with your same name story at www.JacobReedAndMe.com or by calling our same name hotline at 1-94-SAME-NAME.
Also, if anyone at Kirkland Signature wants to reach out to us about sponsorship after hearing our delightful story about one of the several uses for their Kirkland Signature water bottles, we are definitely interested.
This podcast was recorded in the Octavia Lab, a DIY makerspace named after celebrated science fiction author Octavia E. Butler, located inside the Los Angeles Public Library’s downtown Central Library. Visit lapl.org/labs to learn more about the free equipment and resources offered at the Octavia Lab. The library does not endorse or oppose the views or topics discussed on this podcast. However, I, Jacob Reed, wholeheartedly endorse the library. Libraries are the coolest…